Let's Talk: Depression

Friday, 29 August 2014

When it comes to struggling, depression wins. Being unable to control your own mind is absolutely terrifying. It’s not another way to gain attention or a joke, it’s a mental health issue that seems to be dismissed far too often.

I, myself have and am suffering with depression.

After dealing with an anxiety disorder throughout adolescence, the constant relapsing, the break-down of relationships and the knowledge that this was forever eventually led me to hitting rock bottom and being then diagnosed with depression. 

It’s not just about being sad or struggling to motivate yourself. It’s about not seeing the point in anything, not having the mentality to get out of bed. It’s about watching the people around you progress into adulthood, fall in love, move to the other side of the world, all whilst you remain at square one, so completely and utterly lost. It’s about wondering how everyone around you has it so easy and what on earth you’ve done to deserve this. Depression is about being on on edge with nerves all the time and not being able to get a full sentence out without stuttering. It’s about loss of appetite, loosing sleep and continuously waking up from nightmares of overdosing, whilst everyone else is sleeping peacefully. 

Old friends will assume you’ve ‘gone off the rails’ and that’s okay because it just means you’re a broken person and you know how to survive when things get tough. Once you’ve mastered depression and irrational thoughts you can do pretty much anything.

Depression is an incredibly common issue and not an emotion or feeling. Just because you’re having a bad day does not mean you’ve got depression, you’ll be okay, I promise, just keep going!

It took me three years and a sudden urge to take my own life before I got professional help, I was offered both pills and therapy. Pills work as a plaster as they ease the pain for a while but don’t teach you how to deal with the problem (I was also worried about addiction so I turned them down). I began having therapy, It’s needless to say I was absolutely terrified. After three sessions I gave up, I decided I didn’t need it anymore and I felt so much more in control of my life then I ever did before. Recovery isn't about being happy all the time, it's about learning to deal with your disorder in a healthy way and not letting it ruin your life anymore.

I’ve learnt that everyone suffers at one point or another and I’m secretly glad that I’ve learnt to deal with it at such a young age. Having suffered has taught me a lot and provided me with a huge amount of confidence. It will never get worse then being suicidal and I have the ability to deal with that now. I am incredibly proud of myself for that. 

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